Haircut
by ohmytuesday
Summary: The entire DGM cast moves to Singapore, where it's sunny all year round! What does Kanda do when he can't take the heat? Kind of becoming my Kanda-torturing fic dump...
1. Shock and Horror

Disclaimer: the bank wouldn't lend me money to buy DGM D: It still belongs to Katsura Hoshino-sensei

Umm, I'm aware that this isn't the first oneshot about Kanda cutting his hair (I'll put it into my profile once I remember its title), but rest assured, I did not copy the author's idea. I was only informed by my friend that I wasn't the first to come out with this plotline when I showed her my draft.  
Also, sorry for not including more of the other DGM characters.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yuu Kanda tugged bad-temperedly at his perspiration-soaked black shirt as he stomped down the bricked path towards his designated classroom in the Black Order Academy.

Shielding his steely gray eyes from the heat of the sun, he muttered angry curses under his breath to no one in particular, wondering why the _hell_ his parents had to send him to such a godforsaken place less than 10° North of the Equator.

He shoved the heavy mahogany door open and stepped inside to a chorus of quickly stifled gasps. Kanda's patented Death Glare swept the room, stopping specifically at the few brave souls that dared meet his gaze. They cowered under the force of his stare.

"What?" he barked impatiently, pushing his hand through his silky midnight coloured hair.

Everyone stayed silent, shifting uncomfortably in their seats, glancing at him every so often before looking away for fear of their lives.

"What?" Kanda repeated, his face growing blacker with every second that passed.

"Y-your hair, K-kanda…" a certain moyashi voiced out timidly, unable to take more of the tension filled silence.

Glaring at the unfortunate boy, Kanda pivoted on his heel and made his way to his desk at the back of the classroom, mentally cursing the unnaturally hot weather of Singapore.

"So I cut my hair. Big deal. Get over it." He said scathingly before pointedly ignoring the subject all together.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For those of you who don't get it, I moved the entire DGM cast into Singapore where it's summer all year round!

This will be a oneshot for now, but I may add on to it in the future. **REVIEW PLEASE!**


	2. Moving Rubber

* * *

I knew I said it was a oneshot, but...

does not belong to me!

* * *

Kanda stormed angrily down the carpeted path towards the nearest washroom, running his hands through his previously long hair.

What's wrong with everyone?! It was just a haircut, for fuck's sake. And he didn't think it was all _that_ bad.

At least he wouldn't get mistaken for an old man like the Moyashi.

Or look like his head was on fire like the idiot rabbit.

Or have squealing fangirls (and boys too, sometimes) following him in hopes of being bitten like Krory. (Why anyone even _wanted _to get bitten was a mystery to him, and he wasn't sure he ever wanted to know.)

Or look like some hyperactive hamster gnawed his head off like Linali. (Though he couldn't say that out loud or Komui would kill him.)

Or have pink, _girly _hair like Jerry. (His old hair wasn't girly, dammit. It was traditional!)

In fact, Kanda had one of the most normal hair in the entire Academy! He could have strolled down Orchard Road without a second glance from the locals, due to his Asian features and (now) relatively normal hair. Which was more than what those other freaks could say.

He totally didn't understand why everyone was so shocked. It was, after all, perfectly normal for a male to have short hair. He even went to some fancy-schmancy hairdresser, goddammit.

Besides, it was necessary to prevent him from getting heatstroke. Yes, it was _that_ hot in Singapore.

Growling in frustration, Kanda shoved the door to the men's room open, striding inside to glare at his reflection in the mirror.

"Why, I didn't realize you were this… beauty conscious, my dear. I was more of the opinion that you were one of those fuck-off-I-don't-care kind of person…"

Kanda whipped his head, transferring his glare to the smug visage Tyki Mikk presented.

"Shut the fuck up!" He hissed furiously, right hand automatically reaching for Mugen—only to remember that the license for shipping the katana over was not yet approved, and the blade was still stuck in Singaporean police custody.

Tyki chucked at the stream of insults that nearly singed his ears off. "My, my, what colourful vocabulary you have. And bilingual too! They really should have awarded that scholarship to you."

Dodging the roll of toilet paper aimed directly at his face, Tyki smirked. Really, this kid was just _too_ fun to tease. He seriously didn't understand why Rhode hated him so much.

"Oh, and by the way, try using Gatsby if you're looking to spice things up hair-wise. I especially recommend Moving Rubber[1]; it really helps prevent hair breakage."

Kanda froze in humiliation and anger. Was the bastard trying to imply that he had hair fall problems?! His mouth fell open as he fumed speechlessly, fists clenching around the edge of the sink.

"If that fails, I suggest you seek professional help at Beijing 101[2]. I have a friend who works there, just say my name, and he'll give you a discount."

Tyki turned around to admire his handiwork, mentally congratulating himself at the pretty picture Kanda presented, flushed crimson and vibrating with rage against the basin. Glancing at the expensive watch adorning his left wrist, he sighed regretfully and laid a manicured hand upon the exit door. He had to leave soon in order not to be late…

But not without one last jibe. Tossing his lustrous mane of curly chestnut hair back, he winked jauntily, pushing the door open. "Don't worry, I promise to be discreet!"

Kanda barely managed to restrain himself from tackling that son of a bitch, discreet, his bloody ass. Eye twitching, he splashed cold water on his face, hoping to calm himself down. Komui had given extensive lectures on now strict Singaporean violence laws were.

He didn't want to be stuck in rehab for anger management issues. Or get dragged to some weird workshop for "self-enrichment[3]". Or locked in jail for aggression charges.

Not to mention the fact that he would be banned from his sword. He totally didn't understand why they wouldn't let him bring it into the county with him in the first place. Linali said it was because of security concerns.

Why, did he look like a madman? Or a terrorist? Or a crazed serial killer? Noooo, he did not. Kanda rolled his eyes in disgust.

_Che._ Singapore was such a stick in the ass.

* * *

[1] Moving Rubber's just this weird hairgel thingy that everyone was crazy about a few years back. Gatsby owns it, not me.

[2] Beijing 101 is a... center for hair problems. Basically, you go there to treat your hair problems with herbal stuff.

[3] I shan't elaborate, but the Singapore Government is_ biiiiiigg_ on self enrichment. Which totally sucks, believe me.

* * *

Ohmygod. That was horrible DDD:

Shall try to have a nicer chapter next time though.

Please REVIEW!


	3. Bean Cook Bean

**This chapter is kind of like crack/AU/random. I realise that it doesn't really connect to the main storyline, but ahh well.**

**I think I'm beginning to treat Haircut like some kind of random humour ficlet dump. -_-"**

**I don't know if non-Chinese speakers will be able to understand, so here's a short explanation :D**

Okayy, so there was this Chinese Emperor who had two sons, Cao Zhi and Cao Pi. When he died, the older son, Cao Pi, attained the throne. However, he was afraid that his younger brother would contest his rule and was jealous of his literary talent, thus, he wanted to find a reason to get rid of him.

One day in court, he commanded Cao Zhi to compose a poem about brotherhood without using the Chinese word for brother, within the set time of seven walking paces. So Cao Zhi complied and came up with a totally moving poem:

煮豆燃豆萁  
豆在釜中泣  
本是同根生  
相煎何太急

_(translation)_

Beans are boiled by the fire of beanstalks.  
And beans cry in the pot:  
"We both came from the same roots,  
Why burn me so unrelentingly?"

The elder brother was very moved/impressed and left Cao Zhi alone after that. Hooray! :D

* * *

Kanda stared a his electronic dictionary in disbelief.

_**Bean cook bean.**_

That can't be right. It must be his stupid dictionary's fault. He punched in the Chinese characters again.

_**BEAN COOK BEAN.**_

What the fuck…?!

The machine spat out the same three words, only this time all in caps, as if to mock his intelligence. Briefly, he wondered if smashing the bloody thing into a thousand unrecognizable pieces would count as an act of aggression.

No, he couldn't risk that. He didn't want to be separated from his beloved Mugen any longer than it possible. It didn't make any sense, but he felt naked without it. Like he was unprotected, and he hated that feeling.

And yes, Mugen was still under secure custody. He was almost beginning to believe that the stick-fingered assholes wanted the precious blade for themselves. It was a family heirloom, after all, and therefore probably worth quite a lot.

Kanda growled in frustration, ruffling his spiky midnight bangs. How long did it take to read up on someone's background anyway?! It wasn't like he had a mile long criminal record for them to sift through, in any case.

He scowled, suddenly reminded of the license he had yet to obtain. More specifically, the License for Ownership of Personal Weaponry.

What was wrong with carrying around a sword anyway? It wasn't like he was some dangerous psychopath hell bent on a school-wide massacre or something. Not like he didn't get tempted, mind you.

Kanda clung on resolutely to the belief that Mugen was merely for his own personal protection. (We all know that's not the case, but still. Oh well.)

Granted, he used it to threaten bodily harm on many of his schoolmates, but that was because they were so friggin' annoying! He was just trying to defend his sanity, dammit!

"Yuu-chan! Yuu-chan~!!" Lavi whispered from behind, kicking Kanda's chair at the same time to get his attention.

He snapped back into reality, shooting a sharp glare at the infuriating redhead. See?! This was what he meant when he said he needed protection against their idiocy.

"Yuu-chan! The teacher's waiting for your answer!"

_Fuck._

Cursing himself for daydreaming, Kanda stood up slowly. Thankfully, the question was still written on the board. Meeting the teacher's murderous gaze head-on, Kanda desperately searched through the jumble of thoughts in his mind for the answer.

Fuck! What was the English translation of the first line of that goddamn poem?!

"Well, may I have my answer before Christmas comes around?" The teacher sent a disapproving frown his way.

Flustered, Kanda felt the first three words he could think of slip out of his mouth.

"Bean cook bean!"

Oh fuck. What did he just say?! Damn that bloody dictionary!

The whole class, with the exception of the teacher, burst out in raucous laughter.

He decided there and then that he hated Chinese Literature.

* * *

Umm, read and review? And can I please have your opinion on whether or not the content I write is offensive? Because I write the way Kanda sees stuff and as you all know, Kanda's majorly pissed off most of the time. Well, sorry if you find it offensive. I'll remove that particular part if you tell me what you find offensive about it.

Come to think of it, Kanda's kind of a complain queen. o.O

Oh and I've decided to accept requests! (just not lemon, since I can't write lemon for nuts. Besides, Hays will kill me :x)  
PM me stuff if you want. Preferably not Allen/Linali or Lavi/Yuu pairings, thank you.

And I'm not mocking the abovementioned poem! I just think electronic translations are funny and make no sense. Cao Zhi is a genius!~


	4. Ripe for the Killing

**

* * *

**

**Ohmybloodycrap, Tyki has like a multiple personality disorder! D: The first part's bimbo-Tyki, then comes super-Tyki, and lastly sadistic-Tyki.**

**No own, never will. And this is kind of unedited, so please inform me of any mistakes made. Sorry.**

**Dedicated to: Hayden, and shoulder partner in school (who, incidentally, reminds me of the Tyki in this chapter :/)**

* * *

The sound of the telephone ringing reverberated through Kanda's dorm room.

What. The. Bloody. Fuck_. Who_ _the hell calls at five in the morning?! _It had better be important, to be disturbing Kanda's much cherished meditation regime.

Cursing colourfully in an obscure Japanese dialect, Kanda closed his eyes, steadfastly ignoring the shrill sound mangling his eardrums and wrecking havoc on his early morning peacefulness. It was kind of becoming his life's motto: Ignore anything irritating.

_Soon_, he promised himself, _things would change. _He had already received (and laminated, framed _and_ polished) the letter announcing that Mugen was ready for collection in a week's time. Finally, those assholes had finished drooling over his beloved katana, and deigned to return it to its rightful owner.

The first thing he would do once he got his hands on Mugen was shave Tyki's shiny, perfect, pretty boy, _sissy_ hair all off. Every. Single. Frigging. Strand. _Ha_. Kanda smiled darkly, relishing the mental picture his violence-deprived brain conjured up. And then he would use it to scare the stupid rabbit into silence, then hack Komurin, whatever version the sister-obsessed freak just came up with, into a million irreparable pieces…

Fuck. This wasn't working. He needed to clear his mind. _Focus, Kanda, focus…_

Suddenly, the high-pitched ringing stopped. Blessed silence reigned in the sparsely decorated room before a recording of Lavi's voice played through the phone's loudspeaker.

"Hey darlings! Yuu-chan's probably either ignoring your call or admiring his hair in the mirror. Oh well, don't be offended. Please leave a message after the beep! Beeeeeeeep—"

Bloody fuck. There went his concentration. For some reason, Kanda found voicemail supremely irritating, and refused to customize his personal voicemail greeting message. It didn't really matter to him, since Lavi was happy to do it (much to his displeasure). Nobody really called him anyway.

"Good morning, sweetie-pie. Time to rise, shine, and style your hair!" Kanda felt his hackles rise. "Come on, hurry up now, I'm already standing in front of your door!"

The fake, sickeningly oily voice really, really, _seriously,_ grated on his nerves. It could only be Tyki Mikk, whose suaveness and utter perfect-ness of hair sent girls swooning and Kanda's eye twitching.

Still, he knew that Tyki wouldn't stop bothering him if he didn't open the door. He stomped over to the door and flung it open, staggering back in horror.

The bone-chilling sight of the flawlessly coiffed brunette striking a Playboy worthy pose with twenty multicoloured containers of Gatsby Moving Rubber would forever be burned into his poor retinas.

Without wasting a second, Tyki shoved the hair products into Kanda's arms, then loudly kissed the air beside both his cheeks, diva style.

"Now, don't be shy. Sit down and tell me how you want your hair done. Tyki will solve all your hair problems~" Tyki reached into a pocket and pulled out a dog-eared copy of a largely unknown magazine, handing it to Kanda without waiting for a response.

"What the fu—!" Kanda started to protest, but was silenced by Tyki's lotion-smothered hand over his mouth.

The tropical scent of coconut overwhelmed his senses, making him gag. _Ughh._ He hated coconut, even more so after finding out that it was the flavour of Tyki's preferred hand cream.

"Shush, sweetie. No objections please. Chop chop, no time to waste! Decide on your future fabulous-ness now!"

Kanda glared distastefully at the yellowed, crumbling magazine filled with women's hairstyle tips. A glossy close up of Britney Speares graced the covers, much to his disgust,

Flipping through its tattered and worn pages, he was horrified to find the magazine chock full of, in his opinion, scantily clad bimbos. _What the bloody fuck?..._

A malevolent aura swirled around, chilling the room. He _hated _when people fussed over his hair. Tyki could just trip over the piles of hair product rotting in his own dorm.

In a rare show of temper without the presence of Mugen, he flung the offending article across the room. It hit his lamp with a loud smack and slid to the floor.

The magazine lay limply on the bare parquet flooring, appearing even worse for wear than before.

A light breeze danced through the room through a crack in the window, catching and fluttering pages in its aftermath. The magazine rested serenely beside Kanda's bedside table, pages open to an article about Sarah Palin and her trademark style.

Tyki's eyes fell upon the glossy picture. "Ehmagawd, its like, fate or something! Sarah Palin is just fantastic! Her style would be perfect for your makeover!"

He snapped his manicured fingers, excitement sparking in his clear amber gaze. The light of enthusiasm he emitted (and not to mention his straight, shiny, _perfect_ teeth) overpowered Kanda's stormy unwillingness, almost blinding him in the process.

Hell, how could anyone be so… reflective?! Kanda flinched, feeling a strong urge to run for his life. Sheer stubbornness, however, kept him from his sweet escape. It was his room, dammit. If anyone was leaving, it should be Tyki, not _him._

Tyki advanced menacingly forward, grape-scented hair gunk positioned ready for application in his left hand. Looking around in helpless desperation for something, _anything_, with which to defend his hair's virtue, Kanda's knees hit the hard wooden edge of his bed. He fell onto the cotton bed sheets, rolling over to dodge the hand smeared with hair gel swooping precariously near his head.

_Fuck._ This would never have happened if he had Mugen. Landing on his side on the floor, he bolted for the door, taking advantage of Tyki's momentary confusion. Pride be damned, he _didn't _want Sarah Palin's hairstyle, for fuck's sake.

Kanda was just about to make a break for it when he suddenly remembered Mugen. More specifically, the letter authorizing its collection in a week's time. _Oh hell, now what._

That letter was the sole reason for his patience and restraint since arriving in Singapore. Or rather, what the letter entitled him to. Without it, he wouldn't be able to get Mugen back.

And he really wanted Mugen back! It acted as a sort of shield, a layer of protection, to prevent himself from losing his sanity around this bunch of retards. He refused to leave that all important piece of paper here in this Gatsby-infested room, where there was a chance, no matter how slight, that Tyki might get his flawlessly grubby hands on it. He shuddered, thinking of the perverted stuff that perverted asshole would do if he ever got hold of it.

Kanda hesitated for a crucial moment before deciding that life these past few weeks had been hell, and Mugen was essential to his already fragile state of mind. Turning back and sprinting towards his bedside cabinet, he hooked his left hand through a handle and gripped hard, violently pulling the cabinet open. Its contents spilled onto the floor in a dark-coloured mess.

The A4 sized wooden frame lay innocently on the floor, just out of his reach. He twisted onto his haunches, lunging for that precious piece of paper that guaranteed his lifelong happiness (or as close to it as Kanda can get. The author has no prior experience with perpetually grumpy Japanese swordsmen.).

At least, he tried to. Tyki wasn't born with long arms and legs for nothing. In a burst of speed rivaling Kanda's natural athletic prowess, he appeared seemingly out of nowhere and planted an expensive, heeled boot on Kanda's valued personal arms license.

Oh fuck. He was doomed, absolutely and completely. True to his expectation, Tyki picked up the object of contention and ripped the letter carelessly from the cracked wooden frame, all the while smirking evilly.

Glaring fiercely up from his awkward position half-crouched on the ground, Kanda clenched his fists at the thought of Tyki twirling his figurative moustache. He swallowed bile; stomach churning as he gave begging his most hated rival serious consideration.

The proud swordsman choked out the word 'please' with much difficulty, feeling his throat close up in shame. His body refused to cooperate, failing to spit out the humiliating words his brain decided on. He dropped his gaze to the uncarpeted floor, letting his bangs shade his face.

Tyki watched Kanda's pitiful attempts in undisguised glee. _So, this piece of paper meant that much to him, huh?_ _Kanda hardly ever said please._ He crumpled the top right corner of it, relishing the way Kanda's eyes flashed with barely restrained rage.

Well, that just piqued his interest. Tyki's eyes gleamed as they took in the contents of the letter.

What a brilliant stroke of luck. Here, in his hands, was one of the amazingly scarce artifacts that Kanda actually cared about. The best thing was, there was no danger of Kanda ruining his beautiful face with his stupid sword, since this… license thingy was with him. Gawd, this was _so_ perfect.

A glint of an idea came to mind. _And just as he thought things couldn't get any better._

He bent down so they were both at eye level. "Hmm, sweetie, this seems _very_ important to you. You want it back, don't you?" Tyki swung the letter tantalizingly within reach, and was only a little disappointed when Kanda didn't give any response except to nod reluctantly.

"I guess you realize that you are now, more or less, virtually my slave. So, as your new 'master', your first task is to go on a date with me. And because I'm such a nice and merciful person, you get to bring along one person of your choice!"

He grinned, amused to see the shock, horror, and disbelief spreading across the other's face.

If this went as he calculated, he could stand a chance to accomplish the two things he had always wanted to do. Now, all he needed was to play his cards right, and two birds would be ripe for his killing…

* * *

**Ha, I wonder if you guys can guess the two things Tyki wants to accomplish. The first, is obviously, to make Kanda his slave and crap.**

**Whoever guesses it correct (or gets the closest answer) gets the next chapter dedicated to him/her!**

**Like always, review please.**

**And I feel like writing a -Man version of Midsummer's Night Dream :/ -feels guilty-**

* * *


	5. Dastardly Nicknames

**Ahh... Laugh at the sheer retardedness of this chapter. My friends sure did. ****Bloody hell, it's like frigging long. I hate typing fanfics out on the comp. **

**This chapter is dedicated to Natillia, for her super-smartness. :D  
Shoutout to Wind In Your Whiskers for being nice and Zack1996 for being normal-smart. :D  
Credits to Hayden for the poo nickname thing (God, its been stuck in my head for goodness knows how long), Xiao Yue Er and Chocolate and caramel for fic suggestions. :D  
And stop emo-ing, Delta. It's not good for you. :/**

**Get real, I'm not _that_ rich.**

* * *

Tyki leaned the weight of his head on his palm and smiled as gently as he was capable of, his elbows resting on the desk he was now sitting in front of.

His eyes glazed as he thought of the 'date' he was going on the next day. Everything was working out perfectly, if he did say so himself. All the details of his brilliant, spur of the moment plan, falling smoothly into place exactly as he planned it.

Well of course. He couldn't exactly beat Kanda without one of his flawlessly concocted and executed plans, could he?

He chuckled quietly to himself, tapping his smooth cheek with his fingers in a simple rhythm. How wonderful, to be able to accomplish the two things he had always wanted to, together in one magnificent sitting! And it was all thanks to Moving Rubber, the most fantabulous invention since the mirror. **(Or so Tyki thinks. The author is more of the opinion that air conditioners were fantabulous-er.)**

Tyki lightly caressed a container of his favourite hair product, a fond look in his dazed eyes as he speculated about his sure to be wonderful date, where he would be in close, personal contact with his beloved Allen Walker.

_What would Allen wear?..._ In any case, he was sure Allen would look absolutely adorable.

_What would Allen feel like eating?..._ It didn't matter, whatever Allen liked would be sure to taste good.

_And most importantly, how would Allen react if he kissed him?_ In his vivid and colourful imagination, Allen would sigh oh-so-sweetly and put his arms around his neck, relaxing into his embrace…

Tyki abruptly snapped out of his train of thought. He really should stop worrying about it, or else he wouldn't be able to fall asleep. A small frown creased his forehead. Losing sleep was a big beauty no-no, as far as he was concerned, and he wanted to look his best tomorrow for Allen.

After all, his darling Allen deserved nothing but the very best, even if it was his appearance…

* * *

Kanda sighed, dragging a very reluctant Moyashi behind him towards the imposing, wrought iron gates guarding the Academy, where they were supposed to meet Tyki.

This was turning out to be one of the worst days in his entire life. Not only was he Tyki's slave for goodness knows how long, he was also being forced into going on dates with him. Thank Kami-sama for small mercies; at least the stupid sprout would be alongside to suffer with him. _I guess misery really loves company…._

The navy-haired teen walked briskly as he was used to, but his footsteps slowed visibly when they neared the chosen meeting spot.

Allen, forever observant, seemed to have noticed his display of an obvious lack of enthusiasm. A cute little sigh made it past his petal-pink lips as he squeezed the hand clutching his own. "You don't like this too, do you?"

A pained grimace was the only thing offered as a response. Squaring his shoulders, Kanda led Allen to the bench Tyki was waiting at, resigned to his fate.

Initially, he had wanted to take Lavi or Lenalee along. However, Komui, being the sister complex that he was, would definitely send the newest version of Komurin after him, equipped with the deadliest weapons he could get his hands on, and Lavi would just make the date so fucking annoying that he'd feel like committing suicide, this the sprout was his final choice. Also, he knew that Allen was one of the few people nice enough to not reject him, even though you could tell that he disliked the idea.

Besides, the bean was so much of a glutton that he could probably eat even Tyki out of house and home. The corners of his lips quirked up in a minute smile, just a tiny bit appeased by this small piece of revenge. He certainly hoped the smug bastard felt the burn in his pocket.

"Ally-poo! Yuu!" _Oh hell, here the torture begins…_

"Tyki." He clenched his teeth. _Remember, this was all for the sake of his precious Mugen._

Allen, on the other hand, was the perfect picture of horrified dismay_. What the… Ally-poo?! _Why, _why_ was he _always_ the recipient of such dastardly nicknames?! First Moyashi, and now this, although 'Ally-poo' was infinitely worse.

His accusing gaze met Kanda's, who was desperately trying to suppress raucous laughter.

"Isn't it perfect? It totally personifies Allen's lovability." Tyki smiled proudly at his own intelligence, blessedly unaware of the amusement and distress of Kanda and Allen respectively. "I came up with it last night, when I met you in my dreams."

_God, how corny was that?!_ Allen shuddered, staring a little hysterically at Kanda, silver eyes cloudy and dazed with panic.

_You are not helping! Not one single bit! _It was clear what Allen was attempting to convey to Kanda._ Do something!_

The other sputtered uncontrollably, clutching his sides as he doubled over in fits of helpless laughter, much to both Tyki's and Allen's displeasure. Taking Allen along with him to this date thingy was fast climbing up the charts to take top spot in his list of best decisions and funniest moments.

Tyki turned around and lifted his aviator shades, gifting his temporary slave with a sharp glare.

"Stop making fun of my adorable Ally-poo!~" At this, Tyki directed a sickly sweet, loving, _blinding_ smile at Allen, who visibly flinched and tried to hide behind Kanda.

"Umm Kanda, are you sure this is safe? And why is Tyki so… shiny?! It's kind of freaking me out." He whispered into Kanda's ear apprehensively, shooting nervous glances at the dazzling Portuguese in front.

"Honestly, I don't think this is very safe either. But shut up. At least you're getting something out of it. Feel free to exercise that gaping black hole of yours to its greatest potential." Kanda straightened up, his admirable self-control back at the fore again.

"Oh. You mean he's rich?"

"Yeah, precisely."

"And he's feeding me?"

"I said so, didn't I?"

"Which means I can eat to my heart's content without busting my wallet?"

"Be glad to."

An expression of such angelic, innocent happiness spread across Allen's infantile features, putting even Cupid to shame.

Kanda rolled his eyes. _It must be nice to be so easily contented._

'Ally-poo' turned to face his new sugar daddy, suddenly letting go of Kanda's hand and hugging Tyki around his waist.

He changed his mind. He was such a lucky, loved person after all! Kanda must really like him to share such a wonderful present, a _real life Santa Claus_, with him!

Allen's silver pools widened and shined as he beamed exuberantly in the depths of his conviction. "Can I really, _really_ have whatever I want?"

Kanda shivered slightly, managing to shield his eyes from the ultimate cuteness he was exuding. Tyki, however, was not that fortunate. Faced with the overwhelming power if Allen's puppy dog face, he fell head over heels in love with Allen's adorable-ness, all over again. _His sweet Ally-poo was so enchanting!_

Stroking his silky, snow-coloured hair, he attempted a benevolent smile, basking in the gratitude pouring off Allen in waves. "Of course, dear. Nothing but the best for my lovely Ally-poo!~"

The unbelievably cute grin grew to near impossible lengths. Just his rotten luck, Moyashi was another reflective thing his poor head had to deal with. If Allen smiled any wider, his pretty face would split into two.

"Let's go then, I'm hungry!" So saying that, Allen grabbed both their hands and led them out of the school compound.

* * *

_Oh, for fuck's sake. Remind him why this had been regarded as one of his best ideas again?!_ He felt like a goddamn _gooseberry_, for all the attention he was receiving.

Kanda slumped down onto the bright orange table, sighing loudly as he did so when Allen and Tyki didn't seem to care.

No, he wasn't another one of those limelight-whores, but this was just so mind-blowingly boring! Not to mention he felt like he was intruding on their date, and had to keep trying to suppress an insane urge to drag Allen out. It wasn't a nice feeling, he could assure you. In fact, it was so extremely boring that he couldn't even summon the energy to _want_ to commit suicide.

Allen transferred his gaze to Kanda, only mildly shocked at the lack of his usual frown darkening the atmosphere. _Whatever, Kanda could sulk if he wanted to._ He shrugged, deciding that food was more important. Looking back onto the dish at hand, Allen smiled contentedly, continuing to shovel chicken rice down his throat.

"More for you, darling?" Tyki cooed softly. _Gawd, Allen was so cute! _No matter what he did, Allen would always be of the opinion that he looked adorable doing it. Yes, Ally-poo was that captivating, so much so that he couldn't take his eyes of his graceful, slender form…

Oh dear god, Tyki was doing that perverted-lovesick eye sparkling thingy again. Kanda rolled his own cobalt orbs, not that it made any difference to the current situation.

"Yuu! Get Allen some sugarcane juice to hydrate his parched throat!" Hell, he couldn't even muster up enough annoyance to clench his jaw! Boredom seriously sucked.

Absently brushing his bangs out of his eyes, he moved mechanically towards the queue. This happened so many frigging times that both he and Tyki failed to be astonished at the size of Allen's appetite.

He wasn't really looking at where he was going, thus the automatic scowl when he bumped into a young Chinese girl, probably about seventeen years old.

"Watch where you're—!" Kanda was abruptly cut off by a shrill, high pitched scream.

"Oh my giddy gosh! It's Kanda! Yuu Kanda! From DGM! Kyaaaaaaaaaa~!" Damn, not another crazy fangirl. He thought he left them all behind in Japan! And what's more, they shouldn't even have recognized him without his long ponytail!

Excited murmurs started filling the area, spreading the news faster than an Influenza A viral infection. Fully alert now, he abandoned the queue, almost sprinting back to the table. "Kanda? Why are you back so fast? And where's my juice?" Allen asked, only to be ignored.

"Seems like we aren't as anonymous here as we think. A fangirl just announced my identity to the entire hawker centre."

Allen took a quick glance around, noting the curious looks of the surrounding crowd. Oh blast! Singapore had her own share of DGM fans. Which was good, and all, for Katsura Hoshino, but not to the poor actors, who were constantly stalked and harassed by crazy fans. _Crap, he hadn't eaten his fill yet too…_

Just then, the fangirl from before suddenly appeared. This time though, with a horde of equally obsessed teenagers in tow, cameras and mobiles all out in preparation to take photographs of the stars of their favourite show.

_Oh bloody fuck_. All three of them stood up at the same instant, their only thought to escape back to the Academy.

* * *

**Blahs... review and all :D**


End file.
